Saying goodbye...

This is a song I wrote at the beginning of my time here, when I first met most of the volunteers. It's called "All These People." It's about being impacted by so many people and places, and how they can change your life, your thoughts, and your heart. Enjoy!

There are times in your life when you know things have to change. You graduate high school... you graduate college... you get married... you move. Whatever it is, you know that things will be different. You can't stick with the mindset of the old, because the times will be new. Although, being here in South Africa, I've learned a whole new meaning to the word change.

First, living in a whole new place, country, continent, culture, was a huge change. Then the projects... they change, grow, adapt, progress. Then the people: one of the hardest things for me to get used to. People converging from all over the world, staying for a time and then departing. We live life together. We share everything: our clothes, our food, our testimonies, our hurts, our frustrations. And then one day, they are gone. I thought I would get used to it after the first few volunteers left, but it never got easier. It actually only became harder, because the people I was saying goodbye to last were the ones I was closest with.

I feel so blessed to have served alongside all the volunteers that have come to YFC Cape Town in this year, 2011. There were ups and downs and all-arounds, but still somehow we managed to make it work. I saw so many people come in and out from so many different countries and cultures - Germany, Holland, the entire UK, France, America - and each of these people brought something beautiful and special to this place and to this center. There is something I miss about everyone, and I could use the next 5 blog entires to list all of those things, but instead, I will just talk about a few of the people. The wonderful people who have just departed and are already so sorely missed. There will always be a vast space in my heart for each of them and also a vast space that can never be filled here at YFC Cape Town. People can try, and they can do well, but there will always be something missing.

Mirjam: my dearest roomie from Holland! One of the most generous and loving people I know. Also, one of the most affectionate, which I appreciated after Shawna, my best friend, had left SA (even though it took some getting used to, as I am not the most touchy-feely person in the world). Mirjam always knew when I was feeling down and always new exactly what to say to make me feel better. I will never forget our long talks at night before we would go to bed: going to bed at 9pm and staying up until 12am chatting about our family woes. She let me have most of the closet space (which began to become ALL of the closet space) and let me take over the room with my plethora of hats, scarves and purses. She never complained about anything. She sacrificed for everyone all the time never thinking for once about herself and what she wanted. And above all else, I knew she loved God. She loved Him with a big heart... Now she is off doing great things in Holland, finishing up her degree and always sending me the sweetest messages/letters! Mirjam, there will never be a better roommate, nor friend. You are too good to me!

Kadder: my love from Germany. What can I do without you? In the words of Blue, NOOOOOTHING! Things just don't seem to work without Kadder. I constantly think "what would Kadder do?" or "how would it be if Kadder was here?" And I know maybe that is wrong, but she just made such a big impact on lives and the center that it's hard to imagine life and the projects without her. She was one of the sweetest people I know. HANDS DOWN! She never ever ever thought about herself, and always was the first one to sacrifice if there was a need. And even if there wasn't a need, she was still the first one there to look past herself. She wore her heart on her sleeve and there was no doubt about her passion for the Lord. Everything she did was for Him. She is also one of the most adorable people I've ever met. HANDS DOWN! Which made being with her all the more better... You can never be mad at Kadder, she's just too cute! She can do no wrong ;)... In the beginning, we never thought we would ever be close. Her quiet spirit and reserved nature seemed to clash with my loud, outgoing and sometimes overwhelming spirit. But here we are: and I would consider her one of my best friends. She truly has changed my life, and I thank the Lord for her presence in my life! I know she is back doing great things in Germany! Any child would be lucky to have her as a teacher!

Lizzie: last, but certainly not least... THE Lizzie Bell. What words can truly describe this amazing woman. There really aren't enough. First and foremost, her love for Christ was contagious! She inspired me to love God more. I loved to be around her and learn from her and even just share stories with her. She was always willing to listen to my LONG stories and always gave the best advice. She never questioned anything and always tried to make situations work out for the best. She would bend over backwards and go out of her way for anyone, and that was so admirable. Even people she wasn't close to, she would still love them to so big. There is a Lizzie shaped hole in this YFC office now. I don't think anyone will ever take her place or be able to fill her shoes, she set the bar so high. And no one can replace her in my heart either! Lizzie was and still is such an amazing, special, talented, generous, caring, outstanding, gracious, proper, impressive, gorgeous individual, and I'm so blessed to have known her for this short time. Lizzie was with me until the bitter end... the last of 24 volunteers that I watched leave. And who better than her to stick it out with me. I don't know what I would have done without her and I know my time here would not have been nearly as amazing. God does truly bring people together in glorious ways! Lizzie is back teaching in England at a special needs school for students with cerebral palsy. She's always working hard and loving even harder. Thank you Lizzie for just sharing a little bit of your life with me. I'll never forget you!

I know it's not goodbye. Just goodbye for now. It's so difficult to say goodbye in these circumstances though. People from all over the world. It's so hard to say when we will see each other again, but I know one day. My heart won't ever let me forget.

-Kristen

24 & spring.

24: another day, another year gone by. On my birthday every year, I often times find myself reflecting on my life up to this point. Sometimes even just reviewing the last year to see where God has brought me in this time. You can sit around with people and use the oh so common phrase, “a year ago, around this time, I was _____________” fill in the blank. But this year is different. Very different. I am in a whole new country, a whole new home, and I am with a whole new family. It’s not a bad feeling just different. It makes me think even more about how God has brought me so far.

My time here in South Africa has been such a blessing. A challenging blessing, but a blessing nonetheless. I feel that God teaches us the greatest things through the toughest lessons. Practicing patience and loving people that I barely understand… just a few of the things God has been working on in my life. This has truly been a wild beautiful journey. Around this time, last year (ironic), I wrote a song called “23 & fall.” It’s a song about being 23, and all the expectations that go along with that. I should be thinking about marriage now or I should have a stable job. Instead I was thinking about dropping everything stable and normal in my life and heading to Africa.

Expectations are a stifling thing. We can let them make our decisions for us or change the way we experience life. At the age of 23, I let these expectations get the best of me. But God had other plans: He wanted me in South Africa, and He made a way. So now at the age of 24, I look back at an exciting year of my life. I couldn’t have predicted or planned. It was all God-breathed and orchestrated: the people and the places, the ministry and the fun. God has allowed me the opportunity to share His love all over Cape Town, and in turn, I have experienced His love in a whole new way. I am humbled by the ways He’s working here, and even the ways He’s working back home through the stories I tell and the pictures I post. I thank God for shattering my expectations…

I have friends that I will treasure for life. People that I never thought I would be able to have a relationship with. These wonderful people became my family for a season, and I miss them everyday (or will miss them for those that haven’t quite left yet). I am so thankful for those new relationships. They got me through the best of times and the worst. I wholeheartedly believe that the other volunteers were a big part of my ministry during this time. I learned so much about myself and about loving people just by living day to day. Dinnertime and movie nights and project planning: it all was meant for something greater. I WILL be seeing these people again. They will always have a bit of my heart.

So begins a new chapter… 24 & spring. It’s time to take on the next year and begin making more glorious memories. I look forward to the rest of my time here in Cape Town and what God has in store. From new faces to new places, I’m ready.

What a lovely birthday. Thanks to all those that made it so great! And thank you to my awesome housemates, who made me the best American breakfast any non-Americans could make! I am a lucky girl. Year 24, prepare to be conquered ☺

-Kristen

galatians 6:9

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -galatians 6:9

One of my friends sent this verse to me out of nowhere. And they aren't really a good friend that knows me well, they just felt God's prompting and responded accordingly. It's truly brilliant when God literally speaks through fellow believers around you. The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

I oftentimes find myself aggravated over so many little things that build up to something BIG. It feels like I do good and do good and do good and at the end of the day I've received nothing but negative feedback or people around me have taken advantage of the fact that I chose to do good. Of course looking back on my complaints, I realize how miniscule they truly are and how much bigger they seemed at the time...

Your mind and emotions can play dirty tricks on you sometimes: making things seem way worse than they really are. I almost feel ashamed for the semi-pity parties that I throw for myself in bitterness at the end of the day. But this verse encouraged me: doing good is exhausting. "Let us not become weary," insinuating that people were becoming weary. Doing good goes against our human nature... It's a nature of God, so we have to try and work and struggle at it. Doing bad is effortless, but the weight of guilt after is impossible to bear. There's encouragement even beyond knowing that others have felt your pain: in due time we will reap, but if and only if we don't give up!

God's timing is true. We don't understand and interpret time as God does. He has a much bigger picture in mind. He knows when that harvest will be ready... It might be a heavenly harvest, but all God asks is that we don't give up. The good that we're doing, however fruitless we feel it might be, is producing a harvest that one day we will reap.

As a Christian, we must realize our faith is founded on it NOT being about us. Therefore, doing good now for no "apparent" reason may seem crazy to the world, but is honorable and just in the eyes of our Savior. The world can convince us that what we're doing is meaningless, and at times, we see that as truth and we grow weary. But when the little things pile up and weigh you down, start looking for the little things that God does and has done in your life. You will then start to see the Kingdom right before your very eyes. The glory, peace, comfort, joy, love, grace, everything GOOD!

Who can be weary before such a beautiful, awesome, and powerful Creator? That's right, no one. Do not grow weary for the Lord is upon your life and wants to help you with the little things.

Blessings,
Kristen

Upon returning to the farm...

As we rounded the corner and the farm community came within eyesight, my heart leapt a little. Would the kids remember me? Would the babies be all grown? Would the good times be forgotten? Yes, I know I was only gone for a month, but still, in ministry that feels like an eternity, especially in the lives of these kids. You always fear a little for their lives. Are they warm enough? Do they have food? Is there someone there to bandage their wounds? Some of a child’s most basic needs are not met when they live in this sort of poverty.

But there is no poverty of spirit and love in these children. They have so much joy: more than I could ever dream of having. I seem to have it all, blessed. And yet, I think they that have not are the ones who truly get it. When you have nothing, you look past the details. You realize that all you might have is yourself and those around you, so you take advantage of that. We can completely miss relationships right in front of us in our own homes, because we are too busy with details. I’m going to start living like a farm kid, at least in spirit. To act rather than to think of how great it would be to act. Our lives are but a vapor on the scale of eternity, and we need to savor every tiny moment we have to love, to live, to hope, to sing, to dance, to give, to hold.

Remember back in the day, when you were in preschool, and the teacher busted out the parachute at recess? It was the greatest thing ever; almost so great it seemed magical. Well, today we granted that same joy to the kids at the farm. It was so much fun. The kids didn’t know what to do with themselves, they were so excited. Young and old came out to enjoy the parachute. The sound of laughter rang throughout the farm: such a glorious and beautiful sound. Such a simple contraption to bring such a big impression. I look to the little things while I’m here. God moves in the littlest smiles, the littlest children, and the littlest actions: the little actions that have the biggest impact. That’s my God.

As we were wrapping things up and heading for the cars, one of the sweet girls, Courtney, jumped on my back. She was the first to greet me as I got out of the vehicle, and she wanted to be the last to say farewell. She and I became very close in my first 5 months, and it is such a joy to be back in her life again for the next 6 months. What a wonderful young girl. I just wish she knew that. I just want everything for her, but I know there’s only so much I can do. Nonetheless, I will do everything I can to make her feel loved while I am present. We laughed and danced and skipped. She just gets me, even though most of the time we can’t understand each other verbally. Her smile just warms my heart. It is just a glimpse of the purpose God has for me here. As we drove away, I looked back to see her waving and flashing that lovely smile… I saw God’s face in that moment.

Everyday here in Cape Town can leave me awestruck. But the farm will always hold a special place in my heart. The sights, the smells, the smiles, all of it… pure, true love. It’s great to be back here. I needed to reclaim this part of my heart.

-Kristen

revive 2011.

what words can i say? when something is so amazing that it is indescribable, you know that God has something to do with it. everything about this past week was completely God organized, orchestrated, and ordained. He has a mysterious and brilliant way of bringing people together and touching the hearts and lives of so many people in a moment of worship or just in a moment of kindness. for 10 years, camp has been my new year. every single june, my life turns, changes, refreshes, and i leave blue lake with a new adventure or idea set in my heart. even at the age of 23... God has renewed my spirit.

revive is not a place you come to: it's a place you leave from. a key point, when first beginning to understand revive as a movement. since i can remember, there has been a huge group of young people, adults, and parents pouring into my life... pouring into my giftings... truly guiding my footsteps. i have never been without support, even when every other support system seemed to be lacking. God provided me with a family. my revive family. i will never forget the friends, the laughs, the heartache, and the adventures that we all share with each other. i have never met such an amazing group of people, and i've journeyed far and wide. no words can express my gratitude for how much each individual person has done for me. everyone is special and near and dear to my heart, whether they realize it or not! i wouldn't be where i am today without them...

revive is about raising up leaders. it's about pushing youth to strive for their dreams, and believe in a God that can make the impossible happen. revive is about sending out. we have to let go of the control. let our guards down. surrender. let God completely encompass and direct. revive is about development. youth will stand on a dream to be a pastor, a worship leader, a doctor, a teacher, the next president, a soccer player... and we will stand with them, and simply point their gaze upwards. to the cross. to the heavens. to the God of the universe that knows every hair on their head by name. the God of the universe that created them each so uniquely and beautifully. we seek to reveal this truth to the next generation. we are vessels. we need only empty ourselves of pride and plans and let God inspire.

leadership is influence. God is Influence. everyone is a leader in our faith. you need only to shine a light in a dark place. lead people to that flame... that fire... ignite a desire in the hearts of those around you... elevated on that hill, you are not easily hidden. you are a ray of sun, midday... though some can escape your light at times, they never escape your warmth. keep loving, even when a relationship or situation feels hopeless. the shadows and shade will come, of course they will, but they pass with a new day, a new hour. we desire, as the revive staff to empower youth to believe in a greater God, and then to believe in the dreams He's given them. faith, it's the foundation and our mission.

i will leave you with my favorite moment from camp... we have focus groups one hour everyday. this year we spilt the groups up based off of age and gender. i got a girls high school group. the last day, there was not a dry eye in the room. we barely spoke a word of the prepared material, and just poured out our heart and souls to each other. some girls shared things they had never shared with anyone before. God had opened hearts... he opened minds... and now he was opening the flood gates. my heart broke. these girls have so much stuffed down in their adolescent minds and lives. it's not fair. the baggage they carry isn't even theirs: it's from parents or situations or boys. in their moment of vulnerability, God tugged my heart. the entire week, i had been preaching to these girls things that i wasn't even practicing. i began to admit my fault, and share about my own life. freedom. we became a family. a circle of sisters. that bond will never be broken. what a cool moment. thank the Lord for His goodness, and His knowledge and discernment despite me. i will never forget that special group of girls. and the world won't know what hit them as they start to venture out! God has some amazing plans for each and every one of those beautiful girls and their glorious stories!

God always shows up... every year. no matter the struggles or circumstances, He does it. thank you revive... the place, the people, the family, the love. i wouldn't be who i am today without you. this past week has been a complete confirmation of my month in the states. God always had a plan... despite me, He moves.

come to revive 2012. you won't regret it.

love,

kristen

the cederburg day 3

7 am again. Brewing coffee again. For some reason, this ritual never gets old. I will never tire of the sights, smells, and sounds of the mountainside; or the peace and stillness of the wilderness. It's unexplainably wonderful, and I feel at home. There's a part of me that will always want to be so deep in nature, and nearly one with creation and God. But I know my calling is to people and relationship. It's ok to disappear every once in a while to catch back up with God, but I know I can't selfishly hide. I've tried that before, and no matter where I ran, God found me and drew me to Himself. There's no way I can run anymore.

A bird just arrived to sing to me its morning song. A symphony of a place untainted by the pollution and corruption of the world. And I hope it stays like that. I hope these birds continue to sing their songs freely without human disruption. We tend to conquer and plunder all that's around us, but I hope for your sakes, birds, that we never make it this far.

The rain... that means no cave exploring today, but there is unnamed beauty in the rain. With the rains spring up winter wild flowers. The heat and burn of yesterday can be washed away: it cleanses, refreshes, renews, restores, reclaims. The pitter-patter on the roof lulls me to sleep again, and the scent of the wet earth is glorious. Comparable to the smell of a fresh flower: it brings joy and clarity. Here I am again: I never tire of this place, this rain, this cold cup of coffee.

Yesterday was an interesting day. The sun shone so bright and warm, you wouldn't know it was almost winter! Reminded me of home. We began with breakfast and then relaxed for a little bit. I spent some time just soaking up the sun. We then headed out to the nearby town Clanwilliam to do some exploring. We first went to a very dead flower garden... we're a little late in season for summer flowers and much too early for the winter ones. Nonetheless, we made the best of it, and I found every flower that place had left.

We also went on a tour of a tea farm. 70% of the world's rooibos tea is produced in this small area of South Africa! Who knew?! The name rooibos means "red bush" in Afrikaans. We rode around in a vintage '78 Toyota truck and got to see the rooibos growing in its natural habitat. We stopped by a processing plant as well, to see all the work that goes into making the perfect tea. It was fascinating. We ended up back at our tour guides house/shop and got to taste some of the locally grown teas. They were outstanding. Chris, our tour guide, was an interesting fellow, but clearly loved leading tours and loved nature. He could tell us so much about the area and the surrounding flora and fauna.

He talked of one flower in particular that has an amazing way of pollinating itself. During mating season for one type of beetle, the flower blooms. It blooms with 3-D images of that specific beetle on its petals. The plant will so intelligently spread the number of fake bugs among the other flowers between 0-3, so it looks very convincing. The male bug will see the flowers and think, "Oh, mates!" And fly down to impress the ladies with his mating dance. He dances all over the flower and when the girls seem uninterested he flies off for the next flower... pollinating along the way.

God is quite the designer isn't He? He made this beautiful world and all these beautiful things and we get to enjoy them! What more could we want??



-Kristen

the cederburg day 2

There's an eeriness over the mountainside this morning, as a swift wind blows. It's as if the mountains can talk, and their voice beckons to the earth. A deep, solemn tone. I made my coffee a little strong this morning, but I'm not upset. I will appreciate the energy in an hour, when everyone is hustling and bustling around our farm lodging. The wind comes and goes, just as quickly and suddenly as it started every night and into morning. Without warning it's gone, leaving only the silence of the valley and the occasional noisy bird or cow.

Time seems to be traveling at some speed lately. In Rob Bell's new book, Love Wins (which is not nearly as controversial as I expected), he talks about us as being in time, but never of it. Because we were built and destined to be somewhere else beyond this world, we are never going to get comfortable with time. It's too slow, too fast, it flies, it lags, it goes without permission ("Where did the time go?"); and most of the time, there's not enough of it when we're having those epic discussions with the people we love.

I've already been in Africa for a little over four months now. That's hectic, as the South Africans would say. I do have to ask myself, where has the time gone?! Sometimes I feel that I would love for time to pass and me to be done with this chapter and on to the next. Other times, I never want this adventure to end, and it's almost halfway over... In these beautiful surroundings before me, I NEVER want time to pass. Oh just to spend a few years in this kind of peace and tranquility, not bothered by the world or people or things! But then I know that's not what I'm called to. God's creation is to enjoy, as it draws us nearer to our actual Creator, but the people of God's creation are His prized possessions... and they need attending. That's where we come in! It's all about LOVE.

Yesterday we hiked to a marvelous waterfall. Wow. I could have spent hours there. The view from that height was spectacular and then to turn around and face the power of this natural wonder. It was breathtaking. The bite of the water produced a crisp fresh air about the falls. You just breathe in deep, hoping you can harness that feeling forever. How to put into words something that words cannot describe? It's impossible. I bask.

I finish my coffee and quietly listen to the mountains complain to the earth. Herein lies tranquility & strong coffee.



-Kristen